There is a moment in almost every young boy or girl’s life that sends a shutter down their spine. An event that movies and television shows often present accurately as cringe worthy. It’s the moment when your visit with Grandma is over and your parents say to you “now go give Grandma a kiss goodbye.” Everything within you cringes as you prepare for what’s about to happen. In your heart of hearts you know that you could never say no as that would destroy Grandma. So, you walk over because, well, you’re obligated to and you know that it makes grandma and your parents happy when you do what they want. So you let Grandma smack a wet one on you (hopefully just your cheek) and you are dismissed to go on your way home knowing, you did your duty and served the family proud.
I recently realized the sad truth that my relationship with God was much like that with Grandma. I found within myself the hard to explain feeling of distance between him and me. So like any good Christian, when I feel distant from God what I do is add more sacrifices to the fire. I have to read more, pray more, study more, more, more, and more! But with each sizzle of the sacrifices piling up, I felt nothing but farther and farther away from God.
At the end of the day what am I left with? After all the devotional readings, bible plans, sermons and studies. We do these things typically for the same reasons we let Grandma gives us a kiss. Mainly out of obligation. We hear the pastor talk about the importance of doing them, the bible teacher drives it in some more and when we finally get alone with the Bible we feel even more convicted because we are still not doing them. And so we oblige them all by creating a mountainous routine that satisfies our duty.
Secondly we do these things because we feel as though they make God happy. Just as we would never dare say no to Grandma, we as good Christians would never say no to Bible reading or attending church. But we start believing that as long as we do these things, as long as we keep up the routine, God will be pleased with us and bless us and the devil will leave us alone. As long as we keep slapping sacrifices on the fire, it’ll all be okay.
It is in these times when I find myself being guilty of turning my faith and relationship with God into nothing more than the pagan worship of the ancient world. Simply sacrificing to appease the gods. Yet what does God say in His word?
“For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit and a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise”
Ps. 51:16-17
What God truly desires, what he really wants…is just me. I have always been a proclaimer of the truth that we should want God for him and not just his stuff. Yet, ironically the same is true of us. God wants us and not just our stuff. God doesn’t want an obligatory hug at the end of the day. He doesn’t want us to serve and love him out of guilt and routines. He just wants us. Simply to spend and enjoy time with us like any parent or grandparent.
So, what if I just started loving God simply because he first loved me? I think it’s time for me to tear down my altars. Time to destroy the temples and thrones of self-righteousness and legalistic routines. I think I need to come back to the heart and purpose of worship and offer a true sacrifice of praise to the one who is worthy. How about you?
“I’m coming back to the heart of worship…And it’s all about You, It’s all about You, Jesus
I’m sorry, Lord, for the thing I’ve made it. When it’s all about You, It’s all about You, Jesus”“Heart of worship” Matt Redman