About 5 months ago, I decided to leave a job that I had been at for almost 9 years. My reasons for leaving I thought were justifiable and the peace I felt for the next 2 months was absolutely heavenly. But then something happened, something changed. My new job was slowing shedding its disguise and I soon discovered it was not what I had been persuaded it was. So began weeks turned to months of regret, shame and the worst depression I have ever faced in my life. My peace was gone, my relationship with God faltered. Anxiety crawled up my chest each and every day as if slowly drowning me, relief coming only in brief gasps of air. Through this time my God was gracious enough to show me what was really happening. I was having an identity crisis.
Anchors
As human beings we are all anchored to something. That one thing that kind of defines you, the thing that provides you with security. I found that I had lost that security when I left my job, I lost my anchor. In the recent months I launched a full investigation into my life to see what was going wrong. In the midst of debilitating depression I began to see that I have gone through many different identity crises my whole life. I had dropped anchor on so many different islands.
It started with sports, then relationships. Next was career, family and even ministry. But what happened was, once my sports career ended…crisis. Once the foundation of that relationship crumbled…crisis. Once ministry stopped being fruitful or stopped all together…you guessed it…crisis. A never ending cycle of moving my anchor from one idol to another, never finding lasting peace.
The only firm foundation
In every one of these situations I had consumed my entire identity into something that is flawed, broken and was never meant to carry the weight of my identity. While this season of life has been full of regret and heartbrokenness, just as he was with Joseph in the prison so the Lord has been with me through it all. It is in this difficult season that I have seen and am beginning to place my identity on the one thing that will never fail…Christ.
“For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory” Col. 3:3
The life that is anchored in Christ and him alone will never be moved. Like a tree that is planted by the waters. Though jobs may come and go, relationships ebb and flow, though every area of our lives fails…he will always remain faithful. Christ alone is the only firm foundation and on this solid rock we stand.
“We who have fled to him for refuge might have strong encouragement to hold fast to the hope set before us. We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain” Hebrews 6:19
Though the trials aren’t over and the future still seems uncertain, now I am learning to run to him for refuge. When the anxiety begins to overwhelm me, instead of running to the want ads for the hundredth time…the Spirit reminds me to run to my Heavenly Father who takes care of all of my needs. Instead of anchoring my life and identity in what I do, I am learning to care more about who I am doing it for. I am trusting God, though imperfectly, still trusting Him with the unknown future.
Where are you anchored?
So…where is your anchor today? What defines you? Is it career, hobbies, family, health, or ministry? I can assure you nothing in this world will be able to uphold you in the darkest of times. There is nothing in this created world strong enough to withstand the weight of our identity. Nothing but Jesus Christ. I urge you, drop anchor on Him and rest.
“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you” Isaiah 26:3
“On Christ the solid rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
All other ground is sinking sand”